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Do you ever see a photo that sums up the way you are feeling just perfectly? This one does it for me. I love the ocean. The light sparkling on the water and the sand beneath my feet, waves crashing, all make me feel alive, peaceful, and grateful. But that same ocean, when viewed on a stormy day is another thing altogether. I feel small and insignificant and vulnerable. Suddenly the life that exists below the surface which at another time might be interesting and delightful becomes disconcerting and scary, dark and unknown. The beach becomes a place where I feel very unsettled and fearful, afraid of what the storm that lurks may bring.
This life that I love and live has been flip flopping a lot for me lately. One day, it is the sunny beach where everything seems possible and the next day (or sometimes even the same day), it becomes the stormy sea where everything seems so impossible. I feel so incredibly inadequate and wonder if I can keep my head above water. I feel fragile, yet I know that I possess inner strength. I feel alone and yet, I know that I am never alone as I have my family and my heavenly Father with me. I feel scared of the unknown, yet exhiliarated by the possibilities that exist in the unknown. Maybe this is what it is to really experience life, I'm not sure. I've had bouts with mild depression, but it doesn't really feel like that...it isn't quite that hopeless and sad. It's more scary, but in a reflective way if that makes any sense. Maybe it's my age. Maybe its menopause (highly likely). Whatever it is, I am sure, this too, shall pass, but for now, I'm going to try to see what I'm supposed to be seeing. I know that God has ways of showing us what we need to look at if only we open our eyes. I'm going to try to conquer my fear and open my eyes to really see.
You know I lurk your blogs a lot, many times not commenting, just reading and pondering. You gals (and a few guys) are a great community and a great support group. I am not always the best at communicating it to you, especially when I feel a bit overwhelmed, but know that I appreciate you putting yourselves out here in Blogland and I feel your love and light, even though I've never met most of you. I'll be back with more light fare one of these days, but for now, thanks for letting me get out of my comfort zone and take an uncharacteristic swim in the deep end of the pool. It's where I am right now.
Until next time,
...hello my dear
ReplyDelete~ i too feel like this, perhaps that is why the sea calls to us mermaids:) The ebb and flow of the waves are like each passing moment in our lives. The tide spilling over the sand, well, she brings positive good things and carries all the negative back out.
and what a fabulous community this blog world can be, creativity, support, and finally others that are just keeping it real and trying to be their most authentic selves they can be.
xo, Rosemary
(happiest belated birthday to you too, leo girl!)
Sigh.... OH YES..I know what you are going thru, yes indeed.
ReplyDeleteI often feel this way lately...but the Sun shines so much down here in Texas..and most especially lately..with NO RAIN here in months.....that I can ofen "pull out" of it with the help of my Heavenly Father and my family as well.
However, my family..(children & all our grown grandchildren) are often the cause of my down moods..with them all so busy and not living in the same city with us any longer and I miss them terribly.
I wish I had a beach close by to walk and do some relecting on.
GOD BLESS YOU,
Rose
Menopause is nothing to take lighty! And it doesn't pass very fast. I've been going through it for 11 years. For real! And menopause is an emotional roller coaster like you've never been on in your life.
ReplyDeleteI took hormones for about a year but they didn't seem to help so I went off them cold turkey. There are so many side effects from them that it worried me.
A lot of things that you eat or drink can affect how you feel while in menopause.
Hope you feel better soon.
tot
Hi,Judy. Keep writing. It helps to get it out. Can you imagine if you didn't? Do a little research on menopause, hormones, hypothyroidism, all very common in women our age. There are ways to feel better and break out of the fog or the funk. Most importantly, keep talking about it. You'll so much support from women you now.
ReplyDeleteJudy,
ReplyDeleteIt very well could be menopause. It affects the emotions and sometimes creates feelings of high and lows. For me, it also causes an inability to stay focused which results in a feeling of despair rather than depression.
As women, we tend to fall into ruts, but thankfully another wave crashes in changing the direction of the rut so that we don't become stuck in one.
Trust me...you're not alone in your feelings, but knowing this won't minimize how it affects you. Keep praying (works for me) and know we're listening...always.
Debbie
Keep journalling and posting your thoughts and prayers and you will feel more at ease. Life is scary sometimes but your faith and your Family will keep you afloat.. I know it! Take care of yourself.. beautiful photo by the way. Big hugs,
ReplyDeleteWanda
Your picture was perfect. Your emotions, so much like where I've been lately. Thank you for talking about fear. You are right, it will pass, at least I keep telling myself it will.
ReplyDeleteOne thing could be the heat we are experiencing this summer. It is making me very weary! Another could be the menopause...I did have to start taking a low dose of antidepressant and it helped a lot. Then several years later, I no longer needed it. You will know what you need to do. Listen to your body. It will give you the answer.♥♫
ReplyDeleteI started my first blog (Jillian's Pages)to help get through a rough patch in my life... and I discovered that writing about the positives in my life helped me during that time and beyond. Now I have my new blog and I can't believe I'm still blogging!
ReplyDeleteGreat photo to share about your feelings! Hang in there.
Judy,
ReplyDeleteI think you're in a wonderful place, especially saying that you are "going to try to see what you're supposed to be seeing". That really makes all the difference in the world! When we trust God for the "bigger picture", knowing that He sees the end results, when we see only the here and now, that alone can give us the confidence we need to walk forward each day. He has a perfect purpose and calling for each of us, and I've come to trust that anything that touches my life, has had to pass through his heavenly filter first. It's an exciting adventure...this thing called life, and I couldn't imagine walking it without Him.
Blessings & Hugs,
Karen
Hi Judy, you are so honest and sweet! I just wanted to thank you for stopping by to say hi to me this week! XO Christie
ReplyDelete